Saturday night at Omega:

Creepy Old Man: “I find you very attractive.”
Me: “Thank you.”
Creepy Old Man: “I like stocky nerdy types with little dicks who like to take it up the ass.”
Me: (…)
Creepy Old Man: (…)

In the past this guy has walked up to me out of the blue and said things like:

Creepy Old Man: “Your English is very good. You speak very clearly.”

and

Creepy Old Man: “It doesn’t matter, but do you have a boyfriend?”

Last year he was talking to me and being his usual old, creepy self so I told him I was there with my boyfriend. He asked who my boyfriend was so I said “him” and pointed in the general direction of my friends Tadd and Keith. I gave them the please save me look and Tadd waved me over towards them. I told Tadd what had happened but Creepy Old Man never came over. Later that night I was talking to someone else and Creepy Old Man walked over and barked at me: “THAT. WAS NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!” He then stomped off to his tomb on the other side of the bar. For months after that, he’d see me out and would say something like “Where is your ‘boyfriend’.. TONIGHT?”, complete with Creepy Airquotes(tm). Other times, like last night, he’ll give no indication that he recognizes me.

It’s hysterical and terrifying at once – like the old Tales From the Crypt series on HBO except in this episode the Crypt Keeper wants to get in my pants.