I was riding home from the quarter Friday Morning and stopped at Tastee Donuts to get some kastle-burgers for breakfast. (I was hungry OK, don’t judge.)
Afterwards, I was unlocking my bike and stopped for a second to clear my throat – probably a rogue re-hydrated onion stuck in my throat or something. So I cough to the side (didn’t cover my mouth) and notice that about 7 or 8 feet in front of me, not in the direction of my cough, this odd looking man is staring at me. Like ‘if-looks-could-kill’ kind of staring at me. I go back to unlocking my bike and while waiting for the light to turn green I see him across the street fucking staring at me again.
I ride a block and a half toward my apartment and cross the street so that I can stop at CCs and use their Wi-Fi. I see the creepy guy crossing the street in front of me. I pass by him, giving him the ‘butch hello nod’ that straight guys like to do and he returns with a ‘you fucking homosexual bastard.’
errrrrrrrt. (that’s the sound of a needle sliding off a record.)
I skid to a stop and say, in my butchest voice ‘excuse me?!’
‘You heard me, homosexual.’
A wha? What is this guy’s problem?
In fact, I asked him that very same question: ‘what is YOUR fucking problem?’
I want answers and I want them now.
‘I heard you cough at me, you faggot.’
Now, I don’t know what’s more disturbing… that I’m getting gay-bashed because I *coughed* or that he could tell I was gay by the way I cleared my throat.
I don’t have a gay cough, do I? It’s not like I was all ‘*cough cough* heaaay!’
‘I was clearing my throat, asshole.’
I actually said that, trying to be all manly and intimidating. Instead, I was so nervous and pumped full of adrenaline that my voice went up an octave and I was shaking like a little girl.
‘Yeah right, you fat receding hairline bastard.’
Now, at this point I am in full-on WTF MODE. If I had my pepper spray with me, I would have maced this asshole and kicked him in the nuts. Instead I called him a douchebag and rode my bike down the block and hid in CCs until he walked by.
Sheesh!
There are some crazies out there!
But who knows, maybe there *is* a gay cough, like there’s a supposedly gay walk, and a supposedly gay hair pattern and a supposedly gay fingerprint pattern….
whatever
He was probably scared that that’s the way you “turn” gay…from someone gay coughing him.
You could convinced him that repeatedly being sprayed with mace is the antidote. He’d have believed it I’m sure.
Ouch! Yeah I’ve heard of those gay coughs. How odd.
I’m sure he’s just fighting his own repressed feelings. Then he saw you and was so attracted to you that he just had to take it out on you. Naturally because you were the nearest gay to him, at that particular moment, he burst out with the ugliest words possible.
Be careful he’s not stalking you or anything like that.
How does anyone say “excuse me” and try to be butch at the same time?