I’ve been getting e-mails from people who think I’ve gone off the deep end and am approaching a Brian Wilson degree of bummedoutness. I assure you, the things I spew out on this blog are usually whatever I’m obsessing about at the moment and usually pass by the time I sober up wake up the next morning. Sadly, there will be no Pet Sounds emerging from my bedroom anytime soon.

On another note, I licked the newly bald head of my friend Randy the other night.

Went out to dinner with a friend tonight and found I was talking mostly about the past several relationships I’ve been into. Dan, Kevin and the current. I probably came off a little boring and self absorbed, but that’s because lately I have been a little boring and self absorbed. Lots of things swirling around in my noggin and I’m trying to make sense of it all: Life, Love & the Little things that get me down.

Life: What am I going to be doing in the next few months? I have a number of things that I’d like to do. I have some t-shirt ideas I want to bring to fruition before Southern Decadance. I would like to get back into school, any school, any class. I would like to visit alberto in D.C. I would like to learn to skateboard, having been a poseur in highschool but too afraid then to actually try it with any consistency. I would like to find a second job that I enjoy that actually pays me.

Love: This is a confusing one for me. Do I listen to the people that say I’m delusional and chasing a dream or follow my heart that says good things come to those who wait?

I cried tonight on the way home from the quarter; had to stop at the corner of Burgundy and Esplanade to wipe the rings from the streetlights. It’s been a while since that happened.

Little things that get me down: I almost got doored the other night and the woman called me a fucking asshole for riding in the street; she almost killed me and I’m the asshole. Someone called me a fucking faggot a little while ago. I assume because I was sitting on the curb wiping tears from my eyes. Straight people don’t cry, you see.

How incredibly emo of me.

Lydia just put her head on my keyboard and started to purr; I’m feeling better already.

Just wish I could hug more than a cat tonight.

PS: Read this quick. I’ll probably see this post tomorrow and delete it.

Last night I was talking to Andy and he mentioned that he was going to a friend’s church this morning. I said that sounded interesting, him visiting a friend’s church, and he invited me to join them. Out of curiosity I decided to go along.

OK, and it was an excuse to spend time with him.

Now, a few years ago this would have garnished the same reaction from me as asking if I would like to go to a meeting of the flat earth society. I now find of great intrest most things spiritual and religious, if for no other reason than one shouldn’t not believe in what one doesn’t learn about.

So, Andy, his friends Cheryl and Craig and myself went to sunday mass at Trinity Episcopal Church. It was interesting and I, dispite being an openly gay atheist, didn’t burst into flames, get struck by lightning or turn into a pillar of salt.

I thought I was looking pretty sharp in my blue shirt and blue rep tie and andy was cute as always in a white shirt.

My favorite part of the service was, as was the last time I went, the part where everyone shakes hands and says “peace be with you” like they really mean it.

I found the mood set by the organ during the pseudo cannibalistic blood ritual communion was quite ominous and foreboding. I still would like to visit Andy’s church just so I can see/hear him lead the choir in greek orthodox chanting. Never heard it in person and I’m actually pretty curious what goes on.

The sermon was about the definition of the Kingdom of God. Mustard seeds, baptismed humans, etc. It was interesting to listen to, but it conjured memories of my youth, sitting in Mrs. Cook’s classroom wanting to ask questions and express my disagreement with the dogma – but being afraid that I’d just wind up getting kicked out of class again.

I’m glad I went though.